Z is for the Zodiac

I have to admit, I have always thought that horoscopes are just delicately written paragraphs designed to maybe, vaguely, sort of relate to anyone’s life. I mean, how does the position of the stars combined with the time of year they were born relate to someone’s future of personality? How does the fact that I was born in December and, therefore, a Sagittarius effect who I am and what I am interested in?

I am aware, that by writing this, I could be stepping on hundreds of toes belonging to true believers in the Zodiac and, for that, I am sorry, but I welcome any answers you may have to the questions I pose. I am genuinely interested.

I tried doing some research on the subject, but it just got me all confused. Nothing made that much sense, no matter how many times I tried to read it.

Recently, I have been seeing these posts on Facebook that go something along the lines of: “Friends likely to encourage you to have one more drink that you really don’t need: Sagittarius, Scorpio and Aries. Friends already under the table: Gemini, Libra and Cancer” etc. (not a real post. Very much made up) Every post of these, that I have read, I have felt were completely unrelated to who I am. Maybe I am just a defective Sagittarius. They exist, right?

In the spirit of knowledge and further research, I did some reading about who I should be, as dictated by my arrow-wielding starsign.

Some websites told me that I am impatient and would rather an immediate result rather than a convoluted and delayed one. True.

Some websites told me that I like to make my friends happy and will do a lot in order to achieve that. True.

Some said I am, for the most part, unemotional/feel uncomfortable showing emotion. True.

My outlook on the Zodiac and its powers was changing…until…

I read that I should:

  • Adapt well to and embrace change. No.
  • Love sports.  Hell no!!!

As I get older, I am embracing change that teenie but better, but I have never been the biggest fan of sport.

Despite my scepticism toward the power of the Zodiac, I find this sort of exploration of the self to be fun and sometimes humorous. I mean, everyone loves the idea that Prince Charming and a truckload of cash are destined to cross their path.

I’d still like to know where mine are…


The Daily Paper

I read the paper today. It told me things. I read it over my morning coffee and muesli.

It made the bus ride with cranky Mrs Jacobsen not so angry. I couldn’t help but smile. It was the paper, I swear.

When I got to work, Arthur, the mailman, asked me why I was so happy. He said he hadn’t seen me so happy since Chuck was my devoted husband.

I scoffed and told him that Chuck was so not why I was happy. He can screw Bernadette from accounting with little effect on me.

Arthur nodded and asked me again.

‘My horoscope,’ I explained, ‘it says that I will meet Mr Right today. That I might not see him for who he has the potential to be.’

Arthur raised his eyebrows and became as happy as me. He disappeared before I could ask him why. Maybe his horoscope was good, too.


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