A is for Authority

I had a conversation, or rather a series of conversations, the other day that got me thinking about what I do here.

Basically…I…well…I rant at you for a few paragraphs and, maybe, sound like I know what I’m talking about…kind of…

The thing is, every post I wrote is just all my opinions and thoughts about select topics rolled into some semi-logical strings of words for you to read.

I have no authoritative voice on any of these topics at all. Please don’t take any of what I write as gospel.

But the things I write about are the things that I am interested in and know a little about, or things that I have thought about previously and want to know more about. I guess, instead of any sort of expert or authority figure, perhaps I am an overly curious peer?

When you talk to me face to face, I tend to rant about a few topics in particular:

1. Music. I am always anxious to let my ftiends know about the music I am listening to – the latest flavour.

2. Books. Currently, I have 4 bookshelves full of books in a one bedroom unit. There is barely enough room for me, but I can’t get enough of my paper friends.

3. English Monarchic History. Give me an inch, and I’ll go a mile. Pretty much any window of opportunity I see to link conversation to the history of the British monarchy, I will probably do it. I end up giving my friends impromptu history lessons – a thing they would most likely rather avoid.

Anyway, despite the fact I have no authority to speak as if I know all there is to know about everything ever, I invite you to continue on this journey that explores all facets of life.

So those who are new, welcome. Those who are revisiting, welcome back. Join me! Let’s consider the world together.

 

The Expert

‘Please,’ she gestured toward the velvet covered armchair opposite, ‘sit.’

‘Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.’

‘Not at all,’ Her smile stretched itself upon the rack, ‘How can I help?’

‘Well,’ the client shifted in his seat, ‘I was wondering about languages.’

‘Languages?’

‘Yes, languages. Why are some so similar, yet their countries of origin are so far apart? Why is there a word for something in one language but not in another? What is the origin of the word “auspicious” and can it somehow relate to the origin of the word “pious”? Why do we let languages die?’

‘You wonder a lot.’

‘Yes. What are the seven wonders of the world, by the way? What classifies them thus? Who came up with the classification criteria, and what makes them such an expert on the subject? Are we just supposed to accept each criterion as gospel?

‘I mean, what about the corn chip? Why isn’t that a “wonder”? It’s triangular, but it’s made of corn!’

He makes a gesture as if his head is exploding.

‘A corn chip is hardly an eighth wonder of the world.’

‘But that’s just your opinion, isn’t it? You might say Titanic is an eighth wonder.’

She took I. A deep breath as if to say something, but he beat her to it.

‘And don’t even get me started on Titanic. There was so enough room on that fact for Jack and Rose. But they both should have died, right? Because it was actually their fault the lookout guy was watching them and not doing his job.’

He continued in this way for another half hour – flitting from topic to topic on the most tenuous of links.

‘Ve do you remember that children’s program Arthur?’

She nodded once.

‘Well, who voiced Arthur? Was it a kid? Was it even a dude? Bart Simpson’s voiced by a chick, you know.’

‘Well, Arthur was actually voiced by a man called Michael Yarmush.’

‘For real? There you go!’

‘I’m sorry, sir.’ She suddenly stood, ‘but that’s all we have time for today.’

‘No probs, there.’ he stood too.

‘Here’s my card. Please make another appointment any time you need any help again.’

As he walked from the room, he glanced at the small business card in his hand.

“MONIQUE CALLAGHAN

EXPERT”

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